Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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