Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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