Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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