You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
