I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Found your dick twin last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
