I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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