If i come over, it means nothing
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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