The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
