i think my mom watched the whole time
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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