so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
