Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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