You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Still dying that you shit outside
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
