i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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