I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
nutella sex= disaster
she told me i tasted like america
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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