dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
