there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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