i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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