Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
