Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
