and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
