its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
