That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
