Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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