gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
