some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
