so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
