my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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