paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
