I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
