I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
