She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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