I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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