i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
