Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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