Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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