you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In other news, I just burned my penis
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
