you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
