Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
