There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
