Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
