Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
