PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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