my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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