I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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