Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My ass is underappreciated
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
