Already got asked if we're dating
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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