He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
