How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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