Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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