you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
